Pa dejmo še kakšen vic dneva

Ja, samo nevem v katero temo bi bolj pasalo, v duškota?

A Guide to Lunchtime Social Groups

O Cats, kje jih najdeš.

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There he meets the Lord himself.
The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor."
The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven.
Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.
The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?"
The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.
About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow.
The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you arrived?"

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending by are the best!!!"

Hah, boge miške.

Meels on wheels

Zakaj ima blondinka ves čas zaseden telefon?

Ker pazi na linijo.

Smeh je baje ena strašno koristna reč. Ekola en razlog za tovrstno početje:

Bill and his wife Blanche went to the state fair every year, And every year Bill would say: " Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter"

Blanche always replied: " I know, Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, And fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said: " Blanche, I'm 75 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance"

To this, Blanche replied: "Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "

The pilot overheard the couple and said: "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks, But still not a word... When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said: "By golly , I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Bill replied: "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out, But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

It is!

Da ne pozabimo na smeh, ki je nujno potreben tudi za delovanje možgan! (btw. a veste, da se povprečen otrok nasmeje menda 300 krat na dan, povprečen odrasel pa samo še 50 krat? Vsaj zdi se mi, da sem si prav cifre zapomnila, čeprav, če pomislim na posamezne primerke, se mi zdi 50 strašno visoka cifra )

No, dejmo eno iz sodnih dvoran danes:

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

Še nekaj o Chack Norrisu:

Nekateri berejo stripe o Supermanu. Superman bere stripe o Chuck Norrisu.
Chuck Norris vedno spi v osvetljenem prostoru. Ne zato, ker se boji teme, ampak zato ker se tema boji Chucka Norrisa.
Chuck Norris lahko dva kamna ubije z eno ptico.
Chuck Norris na tekmovanju v buljenju lahko zmaga z zaprtimi očmi.
Chuck Norris je Nikeu nekoč dejal "Just do it" (Enostavno naredi op. p.) ... in ta je to storil.
Bill Gates je ustanovil Microsoft. Chuck Norris pa Macrohard.
Chuck Norris se nikoli ne sooči z nevarnostjo. Nevarnost se sooči s Chuckom Norrisom.
Chuck Norris se je nekoč razjezil in brcnil v stolp. Tega si lahko ogledate v Pisi.
Žirafe so se razvile, ko je Chuck Norris konja udaril v brado od spodaj navzgor (aperkat).
Chuck Norris ne čaka Godoja. Godot čaka Chucka Norrisa.
Chuck Norris lahko spi, ko je buden.
Chuck Norris je umrl pred desetimi leti, samo smrt nima jajc, da mu to pove v obraz.
Chuck Norris ne potrebuje besed za zapeljevanje dekleta, on samo reče takoj.

Predzadnja zmaga.

3. in 4. sta sicer močna konkurenca ampak ja, predzadnja zmaga!

Meni je pa najbolj všeč uni o stolpu v Pisi

Pri temle sem se na glas režala... čist kot da bi pisali o moji želvovinki...


Wrapping Presents with a Cat

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.

3. Open door and remove cat from closet.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. . .

7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.

16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.

17. Place present on paper.

18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.

20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.

25. Repeat steps 17-24 until you reach last sheet of paper.

26. Decide to skip steps 17-21 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.

27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.

30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.

31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.

32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)

33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)

34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.

35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.

37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.

38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.

40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

41. Go to store and buy a gift bag.

Še dobro, da sem tole spregledala, ki danes pride ravno prav in ko opraviš s točko 41 pa lahko nadaljuješpri točki 1 navodil za dajanje tablete mački

Kako inštaliraš zelo zanesljiv brezžični hišni varnostni sistem?

V komisijski trgovini kupiš par rabljenih zelo velikih delovnih škornjev (res velikih!) in jih postaviš pred vhod stanovanja ali hiše. Zraven položiš izvod revije "Strelski šport" in veliko posodo (res veliko!) za hranjenje psov.

Na vratih pustiš listek z naslednjo vsebino:
"Angela, s Fonzo sva šla na lovsko zvezo po dodatno municijo. Vrneva se čez pol ure. Rotweilerja raje pusti pri miru. Zjutraj sem ju peljal k veterinarju cepit, pa sta nekaj sitna!"

Babica se je na smrtni postelji pogovarjala z vnukinjo:
"Stara sem in lahko vsako minuto umrem in zato bi rada, da ti podeduješ mojo farmo, na kateri je vila, traktor, kmečka hiša, nekaj glav živine in 22,389,630.00 eurov.....za vse to sem zelo garala."
"Wow", reče vnukinja, "hvala babi, saj sploh nisem vedela, da imaš farmo in vso to bogastvo.
Kje pa je?"
Babica pogleda vnukinjo in reče: "na Facebooku."